


Four-Letter Word

by nanifairy (ktwrites1530)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Maybe angst, donghwan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktwrites1530/pseuds/nanifairy
Summary: This is a dream.Jinhwan was sure it was a dream a minute into it. His tattoos, the sign on the coffee shop next to him that kept on changing, the two versions of him...And then of course, there was THE tell that this was a dream: there wasn’t any way that he would be holding—no, caressing—Donghyuk’s hand that way if this was real.
Relationships: Kim Donghyuk/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. You know if we never say, we'll never crash and burn

**Author's Note:**

> "Four-letter word" refers to any word, typically with four letters, that represents something forbidden, disliked, or regarded with extreme distaste. (Dictionary.com)
> 
> e.g., to someone who diets, cake is a four-letter word. To some people, love is a four-letter word.

_This is a dream._

Jinhwan was sure it was a dream a minute into it. His tattoos on his arm somehow had a weird shimmer to it, and the sign of the coffee shop next to him had changed from _Café Platte_ to _Offshore_ in a span of five seconds. After another five seconds, it changed to _Parkway._ And then there were two of him in the dream: one that was on the park bench, and then him, the one across the park bench, the spectator him, watching as if the scene in front of him was a movie.

A silent movie, in fact, as a man on a bicycle zoomed past him and almost ran into a car, but he couldn’t hear the horns or the cussing of the man driving the car, or the yells of the man on the bicycle as he responded.

And then of course, there was _the_ tell that this was a dream: there wasn’t any way that he would be holding—no, _caressing_ —Donghyuk’s hand that way if this was real.

Jinhwan wanted to leave the dream, because he sometimes could do that, control the way his dreams went, but this one was a stubborn dream. The spectator version of him tried to close its eyes, and he willed for it— _willed hard_ —for the dream to end or for the dream to shift to something else, but _it. just. wouldn’t. happen._

He needed to leave the dream. _Now_ , but his brain wasn’t cooperating. It wanted to stay in this moment, and he hated it.

No, not that he didn’t like what was happening before him, as he opened his eyes again.

Donghyuk’s head was on the shoulder of the Jinhwan seated on the park bench, and Jinhwan sat up straighter, compensating so that Donghyuk’s neck wouldn’t strain. Donghyuk had flipped their joined hands, so that this time it was Donghyuk caressing Jinhwan’s hand. He was saying something, a story, and the spectator version of him desperately wanted to hear it because there was a ghost of a smile on Donghyuk’s face and his eyes were shining bright. He could almost imagine Donghyuk’s soft, hushed tone, and it sent chills down his spine. Donghyuk had that comforting voice, that voice you would want to hear when the world was noisy and you wanted things to quiet down just for a moment.

And then Donghyuk laughed, and this one, spectator Jinhwan could hear even if everything were muted to him.

He would know Donghyuk’s laugh anywhere.

Then Jinhwan saw his dream self, pressing a kiss on the top of Donghyuk’s head, and he could see Donghyuk’s cheeks flush, as if he were shy. Donghyuk squeezed Jinhwan’s hand, and then unconsciously, as he probably started another story, rubbed his thumb across the flesh of Jinhwan’s hand.

 _I need to leave_ , Jinhwan thought. He wanted to leave because what was going on in front of him was becoming too much.

Especially when Donghyuk sat up, facing the Jinhwan on the park bench. Donghyuk turned towards Jinhwan, a small smile on his face. Even at his distance from the bench, onlooker Jinhwan could read Donghyuk’s lips, and he sighed heavily, the words cutting through his heart like a hot knife would through butter.

 _I love you, Jinani_.

And then Donghyuk leaned in, and he was awfully close to removing the distance between him and Jinhwan but Jinhwan had pulled back with a mischievous smile.

 _Wake up,_ Jinhwan told himself, now in a panic. He knew what was going to happen. _Wake up! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!_

Jinhwan read the lips of the Jinhwan who had an arm over Donghyuk’s shoulder, that mischievous smile turning into a full-blown grin. _I love you, Donghyukkie_ , said the dream Jinhwan, and he did it, he swooped in, capturing Donghyuk’s lips in his.

The dream him had said the words that Jinhwan had wanted to say for a while now, and the dream him was also doing what he had wanted to do but couldn’t.

 _Wake up_ , he told himself again. He needed to leave because his dream was becoming so much better than reality.

His dream was showing what he couldn’t have. 

_WAKE UP_.

\-----

“Did I do anything wrong, hyung?”

Jinhwan looked up from his glass of pinot noir, his choice of poison for tonight. It had been almost a week since that dream—or a nightmare, depending on the day. He closed one eye as the light from his bedroom shone brightly behind Donghyuk, who stood at the sliding door that led to his balcony of sorts.

Donghyuk saw Jinhwan’s reaction, and he stepped into the balcony, sliding the door to a close behind him. The only source of light now was the full moon outside, one that Jinhwan had been watching the past hour since they had arrived from their practice.

Jinhwan gulped down the remainder of the wine in the glass, letting out a satisfied _ahhhhhh_ at the end of it. He reached for the bottle again but Donghyuk beat him to it, the younger guy getting the bottle. He made a motion that he’d refill Jinhwan’s bottle, and Jinhwan sighed, tipping his glass towards Donghyuk.

Jinhwan took a long, deep breath, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. The balcony was just enough room for one person, and with Donghyuk there, blocking the only way out, he couldn’t run away.

“So, hyung?” Donghyuk prompted, flopping down on the other bean bag chair.

Jinhwan glanced at him and then turned his attention to the night view that lay ahead of them and the full moon watching them. “No, you didn’t do anything,” Jinhwan said, his tone curt.

“But hyung, you’ve been avoiding me all week!” Donghyuk said, his tone exasperated. He reached out towards Jinhwan and was about to place his hand on Jinhwan’s arm, but he stopped mid-air.

The glare made Donghyuk stop.

At the corner of his eye, Jinhwan saw what Donghyuk was about to do and he turned quickly, glaring at Donghyuk as if a skin-to-skin contact with Donghyuk would burn him.

“I—” Jinhwan started, backtracking, trying to calm himself. The look on Donghyuk’s face was full of hurt and confusion, and Jinhwan did that. He took a deep breath, shaking his head, as if to clear his mind.

“I’m sorry,” Jinhwan said, this time in a calmer, gentler tone, facing Donghyuk. “I’m just having a bad week and I guess… I guess I’m taking it out on you. It’s unfair to you, and I’m sorry, Donghyukkie.”

Donghyuk seemed to be planning to touch his arm again but thought against it, as if not ready for another rejection. He withdrew his arm and clasped his fingers together instead. “I can help you, hyung. You can tell me,” he said softly.

Jinhwan closed his eyes, leaning his head against the glass wall separating the balcony from his bedroom. He let out a shaky breath, his thoughts a mess. That dream had unnerved him, and he wasn’t sure why it was taking him this long to recover.

“It’s nothing, Donghyuk,” Jinhwan finally said, opening his eyes and turning to him. “I got this.”

“You say you do but everyone’s noticing, hyung,” Donghyuk replied, patient. “You’re drinking a lot more, you’re making quite a number of mistakes during practice, and you’ve missed a few recordings sessions. Hyung—”

“I said I’m fine, Donghyuk!” Jinhwan snapped, and Donghyuk recoiled, a bit surprised at the outburst.

“That’s two in a span of five minutes,” Donghyuk said, his jaw hard, as he fixed Jinhwan with a cold look. “Junhoe, Bobby hyung, Chanwoo, and Yunhyeong hyung all approached you this week and you don’t treat them like you treat me. You’re an honest man, hyung, and that’s one of the many qualities I like about you. Stop lying to me. Tell me what I did wrong.”

With a heavy sigh, Jinhwan said, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why the shitty treatment, hyung?” The frustration and anger in Donghyuk’s voice were palpable when he spoke. Jinhwan knew Donghyuk very rarely got angry, because Donghyuk almost always saw the good in anyone and in any situation—a strength and a weakness at the same time.

“I can’t say sorry for something if I didn’t know what it is that I have done wrong,” Donghyuk continued, his voice shaking a bit. Jinhwan knew Donghyuk was trying to calm himself. “Tell me, please, so I can fix this. So _we_ can fix this.”

Jinhwan swallowed the lump in his throat. He had kept this—whatever he was feeling for Donghyuk—hidden for so long. It was only Hanbin and Bobby who knew about it, at least the ones he had explicitly told that he was starting to care for Donghyuk far more than he should. Junhoe had noticed it and had asked him a couple of times if he had liked Donghyuk, as in _like_ him like him, during one of their many drinking sessions, but Jinhwan never admitted to it.

 _Maybe I can use the wine as an excuse tomorrow, if it doesn’t turn out well_ , Jinhwan thought bitterly.

Jinhwan finished the wine in his glass and then reached for the bottle again, and this time, Donghyuk didn’t hold him back. “Only because there’s no schedule tomorrow,” Donghyuk said begrudgingly.

Jinhwan rolled his eyes, chugging a couple more gulps of wine, and then when he finally had the liquid courage that he needed, Jinhwan finally spoke.

“I had a dream,” Jinhwan started, his voice hoarse. He faced Donghyuk, and Donghyuk opened his mouth as if to speak but thought against it.

“In the dream, you and I were together.”

Jinhwan let that statement hung in the air, and this time, Donghyuk said only one word: “ _Oh._ ”

“We were holding hands and you were telling me some stories, and…” Jinhwan’s voice trailed. “We were happy. You were… holding my hand like this,” Jinhwan continued, clasping his hands together and then running his right thumb across the flesh between his left thumb and forefinger. “And you had your head on my shoulder and your laugh…” Jinhwan spoke as if he was faraway, as if he was back as the spectator in the dream.

“Donghyuk, your laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world, next to your voice.”

Jinhwan smiled a bittersweet smile, shaking his head.

But Donghyuk still hasn’t moved or spoken a word.

With another sigh, Jinhwan said, “ _We were happy_.” He unclasped his hands, taking another swig from the wine bottle and leaning back against his chair. “You kissed—no, _I_ kissed _you_ —and…”

“When I woke up, it felt so real,” Jinhwan continued, his voice breaking at the last word. “Your touch… your kiss…” He shook his head, letting out a hollow laugh. “You can be freaked out. Or creeped out, whichever one works. I think both do,” he said with a smirk.

Donghyuk shook his head, but he still didn’t say anything. Jinhwan didn’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but he continued.

“It felt so real that I felt like I was cheated that it _wasn’t_ , because why the hell would it be when I haven’t done anything?” Jinhwan said, facing Donghyuk again. “When all I did was be a fucking coward, running away from whatever I felt towards you? So I avoided you, I guess. My way of depriving myself of all things you because I can’t… I can’t have that. And I can’t be feeling this way towards you.”

“What was it?” Donghyuk said, finally speaking. His voice was hushed, as if speaking louder would cause Jinhwan to shut down and not speak again.

Jinhwan raised an eyebrow as if in question. Donghyuk swallowed the lump in his throat, gathering his courage to ask his question again. “What was it that you say you’re feeling towards me?”

Jinhwan let out a soft chuckle. “You really want me to spell it out, do you?” he said, to which Donghyuk replied with a shrug.

“You’re on a roll, so I figured…”

Jinhwan gripped the wine bottle and was about to take a swig but Donghyuk had stopped him this time. He took the bottle from Jinhwan and poured some in the glass, and then returned the bottle to Jinhwan. He sipped at the wine while waiting for Jinhwan to speak.

“I like you, Donghyuk.”

Jinhwan finally threw it out there. His confession under the full moon, fuelled by wine, and he felt free. Finally free, because he could stop hiding his feelings.

He felt free, even if he had zero clue of how Donghyuk would respond. Even if he could have had ruined one of the few friendships he values with his life.

“I like you more than a co-member. More than a friend—just in case you need it to be even clearer.”

Jinhwan placed the wine bottle on the floor, the _clink_ as it hit the floor cutting through the silence that befell them. He had turned towards the night view again, waiting for Donghyuk to speak.

He had waited for a few years for this—what difference does a few more minutes make?


	2. I see us slipping away, starting to fade

Donghyuk sipped the wine slowly, mulling over Jinhwan’s words. He couldn’t help but appreciate Jinhwan’s choice in wine because the wine was damn good.

His choice in people he likes, however, was another thing.

“Hyung, I—” Donghyuk started, and he stopped, because the look on Jinhwan’s face was one of hope.

And whatever he was going to say wasn’t hopeful at all.

Donghyuk finished his wine in a couple of gulps and then faced Jinhwan, sighing. He hesitated, because how do you say the words he would say to someone who had been there for you for seven years, saw you through your worst days and helped you get through them?

Jinhwan, quick to interpret Donghyuk’s hesitation, was equally quick to mask the pain that flashed in his eyes. He pressed his lips into a thin line and later forcing it into a small smile. “It’s okay, Donghyuk-ah,” Jinhwan whispered. He bit the back of his lower lip to stop it from wavering. “I wasn’t expecting anything when I told you how I felt.”

Donghyuk sighed yet again, reaching out for Jinhwan’s arm. This time, there wasn’t any glare from Jinhwan to stop him, and he laid his hand on top of Jinhwan’s, giving it a slight squeeze. Jinhwan momentarily closed his eyes, a part of his brain wishing this was a weird déjà vu from his dream, where Donghyuk was holding his hand.

But it wasn’t.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Donghyuk said slowly, as if saying it this way would soften the blow for Jinhwan. “You’re one of the people that I look up to the most and value the most, but I…” Donghyuk’s voice trailed. He exhaled loudly, knowing he would have to be honest, because Jinhwan had been to him in the past few minutes. “I don’t see you that way.”

Jinhwan gently pulled his hand from underneath Donghyuk’s, nodding. “It’s okay,” he replied, not sure if he was saying that to comfort himself or if it was meant for Donghyuk. “It’s okay.” Jinhwan swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head. He was buzzed enough to know he could sleep well, but not too buzzed to just forget about this tomorrow.

He pushed himself off the chair he was sitting on, swaying a bit because of the booze, and Donghyuk reached for him to steady him. “I’m good,” Jinhwan said, tears welling up in his eyes. He needed Donghyuk out of the room so he could properly cry.

Jinhwan squared his shoulders, his expression stoic when he faced Donghyuk again. “At least we got that out of the way,” he said, trying to liven up his voice.

“Hyung…” Donghyuk said, concern all over his face. It was replaced with relief when Jinhwan offered him a hand so he could pry himself off the bean bag where he was seated. He took Jinhwan’s hand, and Jinhwan pulled him up to stand.

“Sorry for the grief I’ve given you the past week,” Jinhwan said, releasing Donghyuk’s hand when he was settled on his feet.

“It’s okay, hyung. I’m… I’m sorry—”

“Shh,” Jinhwan cut him off, rolling his eyes. “If you make me say it’s okay one more time,” he said with fake exasperation, winking at Donghyuk. “Now, scram, so I can go to sleep.”

Donghyuk slid the door open and walked quietly towards the bedroom door, Jinhwan following a few steps behind him. He had his hand on the door handle when he turned towards Jinhwan.

The older guy raised an eyebrow in question, as he was desperate for Donghyuk to leave the room.

“I wish I could’ve said something different,” Donghyuk said.

Jinhwan shook his head vehemently. “I don’t want you to lie, Donghyuk, especially not about that,” he replied. “And it will kill me more if you say you feel the same way now and then later on you would take it back.” He patted Donghyuk on the shoulder. “We’ll survive.”

Donghyuk considered this, gazing at Jinhwan for a few seconds, and then nodded. “Good night, hyung.”

“Sleep tight, Donghyuk-ah,” Jinhwan said softly. He closed the door as Donghyuk stepped out, letting the first of his tears fall.

\-----

Donghyuk raised his hand to knock at Jinhwan’s door, and then thought against it. He paced the length of the hallway between his room and Jinhwan’s, then leaned against the wall next to Jinhwan’s door.

It’s 2PM the day after their talk, and Jinhwan hasn’t come out of his room since.

 _Well, Jinani hyung sleeps in whenever there’s no schedule and he’s drunk from the night before,_ Donghyuk thought.

“You know, if you have knocked the first time you stood in front of that door fifteen minutes ago, you would’ve already found out Jinhwan hyung is not there.”

Donghyuk jumped at the sound of Bobby’s voice, who was coming out of the kitchen carrying a sandwich.

“Flip side is,” Bobby continued, taking a big bite of his sandwich and chewing loudly, “you have exercised a bit.” Bobby swallowed, and then, with a shrug, entered his own bedroom. He plopped down in front of his computer, happily munching on his sandwich, and Donghyuk bit the bait, following Bobby into his room.

“Where is he?” Donghyuk asked, perching himself on Bobby’s bed.

“Took a red-eye to Jeju.”

“He went home?” Donghyuk said, unable to mask the surprise in his voice. “But we have a meeting tomorrow morning with the content team…”

Bobby turned towards him. “He’ll be back in time for that.” He fixed Donghyuk an inquiring look, brows furrowed. “What did you do?”

Donghyuk’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “Why the hell do you think I did anything?!”

Bobby shook his head, chuckling. He didn’t answer, which infuriated Donghyuk. He threw the nearest thing he could get his hands on—one of the Pooh plushies but not _the_ Pooh plushie Bobby values—and threw it at Bobby.

“Bobby hyung!!!” Donghyuk whined, and Bobby picked the plushie which fell to the floor. He threw it back to Donghyuk, who caught it squarely in his hands, laughing.

“Did he…? Do you…?” Donghyuk started and stopped, unsure of what to ask because he didn’t know the extent of Bobby’s knowledge on this topic.

“Hmmm…?” Bobby replied, and Donghyuk sighed heavily. He laid back on Bobby’s bed, his thoughts going so fast in his brain that he didn’t know which one to pick and focus on.

Bobby tapped on his knee, getting his attention. “He’ll be fine. He just needs a bit of breathing room,” he assured Donghyuk. “You didn’t ruin him for life, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Donghyuk gasped. “ _You knew_.”

Bobby shrugged, passing it off as nonchalance.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Not my secret to tell,” Bobby replied, giving Donghyuk a consoling smile. “For the record: you are the first person in this entire planet to reject Jinhwan hyung.” The smile turned into a mischievous grin, causing Donghyuk to pout.

“Probably not the best title to carry,” Donghyuk said, somber. “Not one I’m proud of, I’m sure.” He sighed, shaking his head. “How come I didn’t see it?”

“I wanted to say because you’re dense, but that wasn’t it,” Bobby replied, shrugging. “Jinhwan hyung hid it quite well. When he realized how he was feeling, he also decided that things shouldn’t change. There was too much at stake, specifically he didn’t want it to affect the team dynamics. He was content with being there for you and being around you.”

Donghyuk pondered on this, silent for a few minutes. Then, quietly, “For how long now?”

“Three years.”

Donghyuk’s jaw dropped. “That long?!”

Bobby shrugged again. “He didn’t want things to change,” he reminded Donghyuk, and Donghyuk sighed heavily.

“What should I do now?”

Bobby turned towards his computer and rebooted it. “Nothing. You already told him you didn’t feel the same way, and he said it’s fine, didn’t he? Despite the mostly soft exterior, Jinani hyung is a toughie,” Bobby replied. “He’ll be okay.”

Donghyuk rolled his eyes. “If he’s okay, why is he all the way in Jeju?”

Bobby grunted, his patience running a bit thin now. “I did say he _will_ be okay, not that he’s fine _now_. The possibility that his feelings that he has for you for the past three years can be reciprocated is now confirmed gone, and he needs to find a way to move forward from that. It doesn’t happen overnight, Donghyukkie.”

Donghyuk nodded slowly, and then he stood up, pacing, unable to feel settled. “I wish I knew earlier.”

Bobby chuckled. “So that what, you can shut down Jinani hyung earlier?” He glanced at Donghyuk. “It won’t change things. If you don’t feel it, you just don’t. You can’t force feelings to just…happen.” And then he turned back to his computer, somehow intent now to focus on his computer game.

Donghyuk stood there, halfway to the door, staring at the back of Bobby’s head. He knows Bobby was right, but why does he still feel guilty?

\-----

“On this sheet are the planned releases in the next couple of weeks for your group,” Youngmin, their company’s content director, said, as one of the interns passed the sheets to each of the members.

All except one, that is, as Jinhwan still wasn’t there in the meeting.

“You said he’ll be here,” Donghyuk said in a low voice to Bobby, who was seated on his left. Bobby merely shrugged, even if they both knew Jinhwan didn’t like being late for meetings like this.

But as if on cue, the door opened, and it spewed out Jinhwan, who looked a bit harried. He took off his shades and his cap, revealing a mop of dishevelled hair, looking as if he had just rolled off his bed. “Sorry, heavy traffic from the airport,” he said, bowing to Youngmin. He repeated his apology, and then gave a thrifty smile to the rest of the members.

The director pointed him to a seat, which was the vacant one next to Donghyuk, and Jinhwan took it, barely even giving Donghyuk a sideways glance. Donghyuk, however, was looking at him, wanting to greet Jinhwan, but Youngmin cleared his throat.

Donghyuk turned his attention to the sheet in his hand. It had seven items on it, content that the company would produce for them in a span of seven weeks, all leading up to their second comeback of the year.

“We’re still getting some variety show appearances for you, and we’ll update you in the next couple of weeks,” Youngmin continued.

Donghyuk scanned the list, freezing when he read the second item on the list.

**_JAY x DK dance performance_ **

Donghyuk looked up at Jinhwan, who was still staring at the sheet of paper. If that item fazed him, it didn’t show.

The rest of the list comprised of Junhoe and Bobby duets, a song cover for Yunhyeong, a mini skit showing Chanwoo’s acting chops, a group dance performance video, a Bobby solo, and a Hanbin solo.

**_JAY x DK dance performance_ **

“We’ll also be lining up some fan meetings after the album release, and some of your contents from this would be performed there. Any questions?” Youngmin asked, bringing Donghyuk back to reality.

“The solos and duets, are these going to be released anywhere else apart from YouTube?” Hanbin asked.

Youngmin peered at him from behind his specs, as if he was expecting the question from Hanbin. “For now, yes. No plans yet for any digital releases.”

Hanbin nodded slowly, but Donghyuk could see it on their leader’s face that he wasn’t satisfied with that answer. He knew Hanbin would discuss this separately and fight for the solos and duets to be released in some shape or form apart from YouTube for the fans. 

Beside him, Jinhwan cleared his throat. “The dance cover… I noticed Hanbin’s name is not there,” he said. It wasn’t a question, but Youngmin had picked up on what Jinhwan was implying.

“Hanbin already gets a solo,” Youngmin replied, his tone final. “And besides, you and Donghyuk are great dancers. There are a lot of requests online for either of you to do something dance-related, so we’ll give the fans what they want.”

Jinhwan just nodded in response, and Youngmin proceeded, circling back to Yunhyeong’s and Chanwoo’s content, touching a bit on their YouTube channels, before ending the meeting.

Jinhwan was out of his seat before Donghyuk could even say a word.

Donghyuk caught up with Jinhwan just as he was entering the lift, the door closing behind him so that it was just the two of them. “Hungry?” he asked, noticing Jinhwan had pressed for the cafeteria floor.

“Starving,” Jinhwan said, still not looking at him. He was finding something interesting with the lift buttons, staring at them intently.

“Mind if I join you?” Donghyuk said, and Jinhwan sighed. To Donghyuk, Jinhwan looked like he was about to say no, but then thought against it, shrugging instead. The lift doors opened, and Donghyuk followed Jinhwan to the cafeteria, an awkward silence hanging between them. He couldn’t seem to think of a topic to talk to Jinhwan about, and Jinhwan didn’t appear to want to talk anyway.

 _Jeju?_ Donghyuk thought. _Maybe not, because he was the reason Jinhwan went there._

“What song do you think we should use for the dance?” Donghyuk said, mentioning the next topic that popped into his brain.

Jinhwan took a couple of trays and passed one to Donghyuk, taking his place in the cafeteria queue. “I don’t know. I’m sure Jeongwoo hyung has a couple of songs in mind,” Jinhwan replied in monotone, facing front again.

Donghyuk bit his lower lip, unsure how to proceed. He wanted Jinhwan to talk to him easily and to remove crease between his eyebrows and the sadness in his eyes. He got it now, why Jinhwan didn’t want to say anything, because things _had_ changed, at least for now.

 _Please let it be for now only_ , Donghyuk prayed.

He was about to open his mouth to speak when a hand clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, you guys,” Hanbin said, voice unusually cheery. “What’s on the menu?”

Donghyuk turned to Hanbin, surprised he was there. He thought Hanbin was still speaking with Youngmin after the contents meeting. “Um… I think there’s sundubu jjigae, nakji bokkeum, bibimbap, and some dumplings,” Donghyuk replied.

“Great, I’m hungry,” Hanbin said, rubbing his tummy. Jinhwan, hearing Hanbin, turned, a much brighter smile on his face. “Hey you. I got some tea that you like. Mom asked me to pass it to you,” Jinhwan said.

“Yes!” Hanbin replied, a wide grin on his face. “My stock’s running low.” Hanbin sidestepped Donghyuk, moving between him and Jinhwan. Donghyuk wasn’t sure if that move was intentional, but he stepped back, watching as Jinhwan and Hanbin bantered with ease.

“Yup, it was nice to be home even just for a day. Mom’s homecooked meals… _ahhh_ ,” he heard Jinhwan say, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. They inched closer and closer to the counter, and Hanbin and Jinhwan’s conversation flowed from one topic to another. They were discussing about the contents meeting now, their tones shifting to hushed ones as there were other people in the area.

Donghyuk sighed. Jinhwan was the first in line now, and he filled his lunch tray with food. While Jinhwan was busy, Hanbin turned to him. “Donghyukkie,” he started, his voice low that only the two of them could hear, “you have to give him some time.”

 _Hanbin hyung knows, too?!_ Donghyuk thought. _But it makes sense—Jinhwan hyung would tell almost anything to both Bobby hyung and Hanbin hyung_.

“How long?” Donghyuk asked helplessly.

Hanbin looked at him with a hint of pity and placed a hand over his shoulder. “Just…give him time. You’ll know when it’s already okay.”

Donghyuk heaved a sigh. “Okay,” he said, watching Jinhwan as he gave a bow and a warm smile to the cashier. Then he turned to Hanbin and Donghyuk, cocking his head towards the table, somehow telling them that he’ll find them a seat.

Then Donghyuk made a split-second decision: he passed his tray to Hanbin. “You go ahead, hyung. I realized I promised Junhoe I’ll help him out with something back at the dorms,” he lied, giving Hanbin a pat on the back. Then he headed for the exit, but not really leaving yet, hiding behind one of the concrete columns. He waited as Hanbin finished getting his food and headed for the table where Jinhwan sat at the far corner of the cafeteria.

Jinhwan looked up, glancing behind Hanbin, checking the counter. Donghyuk saw the look of confusion on Jinhwan’s face, and then Hanbin said something to him as he slid his tray next to Jinhwan’s.

Then the confusion was replaced with relief, and Jinhwan exhaled a long, slow breath. _Thank you_ , Donghyuk read the words off Jinhwan’s lips as he spoke them to Hanbin.

Donghyuk turned, dejected, knowing that there wasn’t anything else that he could do for now but wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles are lines from David Cook's song, Love is a four-letter word.


End file.
